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(no subject)
Jul. 14th, 2022 09:35 amNathan always sort of figured he would never love anything or anyone as much as he loves music and weed. When he realizes that's not true, he decides to never tell anyone, especially not the person he's actually in love with, and just shoves those feelings all deep down where he doesn't need to think about them.
That feels healthy. At least for a few weeks.
The problem with this method is that the words keep bubbling up inside him, even though he's tried to jam them into a dark corner.
One night, Abby does something cute and Nathan bites down on his lip so hard he ends up bleeding and then she tells him he's an idiot, which he is, but only serves to make it worse. Another time, he just sort of watches her petting Alice, talking to the dog, and the words almost lurch out of him against his will. He ends up making a weird strangled kind of noise and Abby gives him a look, like she doesn't understand him, and he thinks that's pretty fair.
The worst is when they're just here. At her place. The dog sleeping on the floor, music playing, because Nathan won't let Abby just sit in silence. They're just being normal people, talking about ordering food or watching a movie, and Nathan is so stupidly in love with her that it feels like a fist in his chest.
He loves her strong arms and her braid, but he loves more when her hair is loose, and he loves her freckles, and he loves the way she looks at him when he's being stupid, which is often. He loves the way she loves the dog, the way she's saved his ass several times, and Nathan doesn't even realize he's staring at Abby with a glazed sort of expression, not saying anything at all.
That feels healthy. At least for a few weeks.
The problem with this method is that the words keep bubbling up inside him, even though he's tried to jam them into a dark corner.
One night, Abby does something cute and Nathan bites down on his lip so hard he ends up bleeding and then she tells him he's an idiot, which he is, but only serves to make it worse. Another time, he just sort of watches her petting Alice, talking to the dog, and the words almost lurch out of him against his will. He ends up making a weird strangled kind of noise and Abby gives him a look, like she doesn't understand him, and he thinks that's pretty fair.
The worst is when they're just here. At her place. The dog sleeping on the floor, music playing, because Nathan won't let Abby just sit in silence. They're just being normal people, talking about ordering food or watching a movie, and Nathan is so stupidly in love with her that it feels like a fist in his chest.
He loves her strong arms and her braid, but he loves more when her hair is loose, and he loves her freckles, and he loves the way she looks at him when he's being stupid, which is often. He loves the way she loves the dog, the way she's saved his ass several times, and Nathan doesn't even realize he's staring at Abby with a glazed sort of expression, not saying anything at all.
[late june]
Jun. 5th, 2021 02:28 pmMost of Darrow seems to be mid-mental break down over all these people disappearing, but Nathan's not too fussed about it. He's already stalked Abby to make sure she's still around and he'd texted Marianne. That weird Nicky guy seems to be gone, but it's not like they were friends, so he doesn't dwell on that much or even really give it a second thought. (Okay, maybe a second thought, only because he was sort of hoping someone might teach him how to be properly immortal, but now he's just going to have to be immortal in his own way, which is fine, too.)
It is weird how quiet it's gotten. Barely any cars move through the streets and the busses are all just sitting in weird places, like they didn't even get parked properly. Nathan had tried driving one two days earlier and had promptly driven it straight into another car, so he'd decided not to pursue a career as a bus driver in an abandoned city and had left it running a few streets over.
Now he's just walking everywhere, doing pretty much the same sort of stuff he'd been doing before everyone had disappeared.
Alright, maybe he paid for things more often before everyone disappeared and he's definitely not doing that now. Right now, in fact, he's standing in front of the big front window of a dispensary, a brick in his hand, weighing the pros and cons of throwing it through the window and stealing as much weed as he wants. Pros: free weed. Cons: there's probably still a fucking copper around here somewhere and he definitely doesn't want to do more community service.
But pros: free weed.
Nathan hefts the brick again, then squints at the window and prepares to throw.
It is weird how quiet it's gotten. Barely any cars move through the streets and the busses are all just sitting in weird places, like they didn't even get parked properly. Nathan had tried driving one two days earlier and had promptly driven it straight into another car, so he'd decided not to pursue a career as a bus driver in an abandoned city and had left it running a few streets over.
Now he's just walking everywhere, doing pretty much the same sort of stuff he'd been doing before everyone had disappeared.
Alright, maybe he paid for things more often before everyone disappeared and he's definitely not doing that now. Right now, in fact, he's standing in front of the big front window of a dispensary, a brick in his hand, weighing the pros and cons of throwing it through the window and stealing as much weed as he wants. Pros: free weed. Cons: there's probably still a fucking copper around here somewhere and he definitely doesn't want to do more community service.
But pros: free weed.
Nathan hefts the brick again, then squints at the window and prepares to throw.
Turns out, all these months later, Darrow is just about as exciting as Wertham. Which is not at all.
It's still better. Nathan has a flat, he gets money, and having an actual bed is an improvement upon sleeping in the sleeping bag in the community centre. It's more comfortable and on the off chance he actually gets a proper shot with Abby one day, he figures it's a better place to bring her back to than the community centre would've been. Ruth didn't mind much, but Ruth was old. She'd still been proper fit when she was young, but Nathan still thinks Abby would prefer his flat.
Tonight, though, he's got no one to talk to. Most of the time Nathan's good at pretending it doesn't bother him. He hadn't really had friends back in Wertham before Barry and Kelly and the rest. He can do that again, he can live without friends.
It's just that having had some friends and now not having them sucks cock. Like, a lot of cock.
But he's bored and so he's out, smoking a joint as he walks the darkened streets of Darrow. It's not late exactly, he could probably find a club or a pub or something. A place where he could get drunk or find some girl who might give him a blowjob in the bathroom.
Or he'll find some twat who wants to mug him.
It happens pretty quick, the guy who grabs him suddenly and pushes him against a wall and Nathan shouts, "Hey!" from around his joint.
"Shut up, man, I've got a knife," the guy hisses. "Gimme your wallet."
"Alright, mate, but there's nothin' in it," Nathan answers, reaching for his wallet. "Besides, your knife isn't all that scary. I'm immortal."
Maybe he should stop announcing that so freely.
It's still better. Nathan has a flat, he gets money, and having an actual bed is an improvement upon sleeping in the sleeping bag in the community centre. It's more comfortable and on the off chance he actually gets a proper shot with Abby one day, he figures it's a better place to bring her back to than the community centre would've been. Ruth didn't mind much, but Ruth was old. She'd still been proper fit when she was young, but Nathan still thinks Abby would prefer his flat.
Tonight, though, he's got no one to talk to. Most of the time Nathan's good at pretending it doesn't bother him. He hadn't really had friends back in Wertham before Barry and Kelly and the rest. He can do that again, he can live without friends.
It's just that having had some friends and now not having them sucks cock. Like, a lot of cock.
But he's bored and so he's out, smoking a joint as he walks the darkened streets of Darrow. It's not late exactly, he could probably find a club or a pub or something. A place where he could get drunk or find some girl who might give him a blowjob in the bathroom.
Or he'll find some twat who wants to mug him.
It happens pretty quick, the guy who grabs him suddenly and pushes him against a wall and Nathan shouts, "Hey!" from around his joint.
"Shut up, man, I've got a knife," the guy hisses. "Gimme your wallet."
"Alright, mate, but there's nothin' in it," Nathan answers, reaching for his wallet. "Besides, your knife isn't all that scary. I'm immortal."
Maybe he should stop announcing that so freely.
(no subject)
Mar. 30th, 2021 07:03 pm[from here]
"Do I mean that you're really fuckin' pretty?" he asks, incredulous. "Do I mean that I, a hot-blooded male of twenty years old, finds you ridiculously sexy whether you're in a dress or shorts and a t-shirt? Of course I mean it! Look at you!"
Okay, he has to relax a little. It's the pills from earlier, they're making him a little manic and he doesn't think that's necessarily a turn on. He's just sort of flabbergasted that Marianne doesn't know how pretty she really is. Nathan knows he's not good enough to be here with her, but he's not about to say that. He's not going to cockblock himself.
"Do I mean that you're really fuckin' pretty?" he asks, incredulous. "Do I mean that I, a hot-blooded male of twenty years old, finds you ridiculously sexy whether you're in a dress or shorts and a t-shirt? Of course I mean it! Look at you!"
Okay, he has to relax a little. It's the pills from earlier, they're making him a little manic and he doesn't think that's necessarily a turn on. He's just sort of flabbergasted that Marianne doesn't know how pretty she really is. Nathan knows he's not good enough to be here with her, but he's not about to say that. He's not going to cockblock himself.
(no subject)
Feb. 23rd, 2021 01:20 pmNathan has decided this place isn't half bad.
Exhibit A: His flat. No more crashing in the community centre, curled up in a shitty sleeping bag on the cold floor. Instead he's got a bed. In an actual bedroom. And it isn't just a mattress on the floor either, he's got a proper bedframe and a headboard and even a little bedside table where he throws his cigarettes and his weed and his lighter after a long day. There's a living room with a proper couch, a kitchen, and his bathroom doesn't have a single stall door in the whole thing. If he wants a shower, he can draw a curtain. True privacy.
Exhibit B: Weed is legal. Weed is legal. He's cheerily smoking a pre-rolled joint now, right out in the middle of the sidewalk where anyone can see, and no one is going to stop him or try to arrest him. Not for this, anyway, and Nathan takes a nice, big hit, then lets out a contented sigh. He's spent the better part of the last week and a bit mostly stoned, as soon as he rounded the corner from his flat during an exploration day just after his arrival and found a dispensary just staring at him. He wonders if he can work there. Talk about a dream job.
Exhibit C: Everyone is pretty friendly, including a very pretty woman in his building. She looks kind of old timey, with long pale hair and a proper high necked nightgown, but Nathan can dig it. They haven't really talked any, but he can see it in her eyes. She's interested.
There are probably other exhibits, other things that make this place better than Wertham, and maybe Nathan misses Kelly, maybe he even misses Simon a little, but this is still better. A flat and weed. That's all he needs. The money helps, too, although he's blown most of this month's cash on said weed and a lot of food and also a really nice record player and a pair of expensive wireless (wireless!) headphones for his new phone, which holds way more music than his iPod ever did.
He's got those headphones on now as he walks, smoking his joint, listening to Soundgarden as loud as he possibly can, when he's stopped by someone. A young guy waves at him, trying to get his attention, and Nathan pauses his music, then pulls down his headphones.
"Yeah?" he asks.
"Do you know where High Gate Terrace is?" the guy asks. "I'm supposed to meet someone there."
"Nah, sorry, mate," Nathan answers, then gestures with one hand, indicating the city at large. "I just got here. New to this whole thing. I don't even know where I live half the time."
"No," the guy mutters. "No, this isn't right. I have to be there."
"You're not about to have a mental breakdown are you?" Nathan asks, only partly wary. The rest of him is downright interested. "Just snap and go completely fucking mad? 'Cause that'd be fun to watch."
[Nathan is talking to a ghost, but doesn't know it, because he doesn't know he has that ability yet. :D]
Exhibit A: His flat. No more crashing in the community centre, curled up in a shitty sleeping bag on the cold floor. Instead he's got a bed. In an actual bedroom. And it isn't just a mattress on the floor either, he's got a proper bedframe and a headboard and even a little bedside table where he throws his cigarettes and his weed and his lighter after a long day. There's a living room with a proper couch, a kitchen, and his bathroom doesn't have a single stall door in the whole thing. If he wants a shower, he can draw a curtain. True privacy.
Exhibit B: Weed is legal. Weed is legal. He's cheerily smoking a pre-rolled joint now, right out in the middle of the sidewalk where anyone can see, and no one is going to stop him or try to arrest him. Not for this, anyway, and Nathan takes a nice, big hit, then lets out a contented sigh. He's spent the better part of the last week and a bit mostly stoned, as soon as he rounded the corner from his flat during an exploration day just after his arrival and found a dispensary just staring at him. He wonders if he can work there. Talk about a dream job.
Exhibit C: Everyone is pretty friendly, including a very pretty woman in his building. She looks kind of old timey, with long pale hair and a proper high necked nightgown, but Nathan can dig it. They haven't really talked any, but he can see it in her eyes. She's interested.
There are probably other exhibits, other things that make this place better than Wertham, and maybe Nathan misses Kelly, maybe he even misses Simon a little, but this is still better. A flat and weed. That's all he needs. The money helps, too, although he's blown most of this month's cash on said weed and a lot of food and also a really nice record player and a pair of expensive wireless (wireless!) headphones for his new phone, which holds way more music than his iPod ever did.
He's got those headphones on now as he walks, smoking his joint, listening to Soundgarden as loud as he possibly can, when he's stopped by someone. A young guy waves at him, trying to get his attention, and Nathan pauses his music, then pulls down his headphones.
"Yeah?" he asks.
"Do you know where High Gate Terrace is?" the guy asks. "I'm supposed to meet someone there."
"Nah, sorry, mate," Nathan answers, then gestures with one hand, indicating the city at large. "I just got here. New to this whole thing. I don't even know where I live half the time."
"No," the guy mutters. "No, this isn't right. I have to be there."
"You're not about to have a mental breakdown are you?" Nathan asks, only partly wary. The rest of him is downright interested. "Just snap and go completely fucking mad? 'Cause that'd be fun to watch."
[Nathan is talking to a ghost, but doesn't know it, because he doesn't know he has that ability yet. :D]
(no subject)
Jan. 11th, 2021 08:09 pmNathan has been in this weird magic city for a week now and he hasn't died even once.
It feels wrong, honestly, being away from the rest of them, even if he does like having not died recently. Dying usually ends with him shitting himself when his bowels let go, and immortality is great and all, but he's ruined a lot of his pants that way. A man can only afford so many pairs of pants when he's squatting in a community centre. And sure, Darrow gives him money, more money than he's had in ages, but he doesn't want to spend all that on pants.
Mostly he wants to spend it on weed. Maybe some booze, too, but weed first, which is why Nathan is standing on a chilly street corner, his hands shoved into the pockets of his jacket, looking for someone who looks like they might sell him some weed. They always have a look about them. Sort of squirrely, like they've got something to hide. Which they usually do. Weed.
But no one here looks suspicious enough and Nathan wonders if maybe he's on the wrong street corner. He hasn't exactly made any friends here, so it's not like he's got someone to ask. Unless he asks a stranger. That's actually a good idea, he realizes, and he turns, spotting someone nearby and says, "Oi!"
When they turn, Nathan grins, trying to look charming and asks, "Do you know who sells weed around here? Not that I'm buying any. Just curious who I should avoid."
It feels wrong, honestly, being away from the rest of them, even if he does like having not died recently. Dying usually ends with him shitting himself when his bowels let go, and immortality is great and all, but he's ruined a lot of his pants that way. A man can only afford so many pairs of pants when he's squatting in a community centre. And sure, Darrow gives him money, more money than he's had in ages, but he doesn't want to spend all that on pants.
Mostly he wants to spend it on weed. Maybe some booze, too, but weed first, which is why Nathan is standing on a chilly street corner, his hands shoved into the pockets of his jacket, looking for someone who looks like they might sell him some weed. They always have a look about them. Sort of squirrely, like they've got something to hide. Which they usually do. Weed.
But no one here looks suspicious enough and Nathan wonders if maybe he's on the wrong street corner. He hasn't exactly made any friends here, so it's not like he's got someone to ask. Unless he asks a stranger. That's actually a good idea, he realizes, and he turns, spotting someone nearby and says, "Oi!"
When they turn, Nathan grins, trying to look charming and asks, "Do you know who sells weed around here? Not that I'm buying any. Just curious who I should avoid."
