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Jul. 14th, 2022 09:35 amNathan always sort of figured he would never love anything or anyone as much as he loves music and weed. When he realizes that's not true, he decides to never tell anyone, especially not the person he's actually in love with, and just shoves those feelings all deep down where he doesn't need to think about them.
That feels healthy. At least for a few weeks.
The problem with this method is that the words keep bubbling up inside him, even though he's tried to jam them into a dark corner.
One night, Abby does something cute and Nathan bites down on his lip so hard he ends up bleeding and then she tells him he's an idiot, which he is, but only serves to make it worse. Another time, he just sort of watches her petting Alice, talking to the dog, and the words almost lurch out of him against his will. He ends up making a weird strangled kind of noise and Abby gives him a look, like she doesn't understand him, and he thinks that's pretty fair.
The worst is when they're just here. At her place. The dog sleeping on the floor, music playing, because Nathan won't let Abby just sit in silence. They're just being normal people, talking about ordering food or watching a movie, and Nathan is so stupidly in love with her that it feels like a fist in his chest.
He loves her strong arms and her braid, but he loves more when her hair is loose, and he loves her freckles, and he loves the way she looks at him when he's being stupid, which is often. He loves the way she loves the dog, the way she's saved his ass several times, and Nathan doesn't even realize he's staring at Abby with a glazed sort of expression, not saying anything at all.
That feels healthy. At least for a few weeks.
The problem with this method is that the words keep bubbling up inside him, even though he's tried to jam them into a dark corner.
One night, Abby does something cute and Nathan bites down on his lip so hard he ends up bleeding and then she tells him he's an idiot, which he is, but only serves to make it worse. Another time, he just sort of watches her petting Alice, talking to the dog, and the words almost lurch out of him against his will. He ends up making a weird strangled kind of noise and Abby gives him a look, like she doesn't understand him, and he thinks that's pretty fair.
The worst is when they're just here. At her place. The dog sleeping on the floor, music playing, because Nathan won't let Abby just sit in silence. They're just being normal people, talking about ordering food or watching a movie, and Nathan is so stupidly in love with her that it feels like a fist in his chest.
He loves her strong arms and her braid, but he loves more when her hair is loose, and he loves her freckles, and he loves the way she looks at him when he's being stupid, which is often. He loves the way she loves the dog, the way she's saved his ass several times, and Nathan doesn't even realize he's staring at Abby with a glazed sort of expression, not saying anything at all.
